Non-Violent Communication

Disagreements and conflicts are a common occurrence in families. How we react and respond to these disagreements or conflicts that affect our relationships with that person and how we will respond to similar conflicts with others. I am learning about non-violent communication which uses the belief that we are all born as compassionate beings and aggression and violence are taught and supported by our culture views and influences.

In reading this week I though about a disagreement that my daughter and I had recently. It was a simple issue that escalated because neither of us were looking at the situation objectively. We both had judged the situation, and allowed our feelings to cloud our interpretation of what was actually occurring. As our conflict continued neither of us could hear what the other was saying or needed.

The minor disagreement could have be quickly resolved if I had looked at what was going on without placing a judgement on her actions, and then asked her what  her she needed and worked with her to meet  her needs. Asking her for her needs at that moment would allow me to compromise with her so that my needs and her needs would have been met.

The other thing that would have diffused the situation was if I had maintained respectful interactions in my body language and words. As her parent I have given her the tools of communication and conflict resolution, I need to change how I interact with her to change our relationship to create on that has respectful and responsive interactions.

My daughter and I have since been able to talk about what happened between us that day and how we both could have handled the situation in a more effective way that would have allowed up both to be gratified and satisfied with the outcome

My Communication Style

I get nervous before speaking before a small of large group, I do not see myself as a confident speaker. As I get ready for a presentation large or small I begin to feel my heart race, my palms get sweaty and my mouth becomes dry. This week I evaluated myself in terms of my communication ability, then had others answer the same questions about how they saw my confidence level. I was really surprised by the difference in the results. Those who I asked saw me as more confident then I saw myself. After the questions were answered, one person asked me how I felt I was. I described how I felt before giving a simple department report and the person who was giving me feedback was really surprised by how nervous I feel inside, because it doesn't show outside.
Over the next few weeks I will be presenting at a few different workshops and to help keep my nerves down I practice and practice. The better I know the material the more relaxed I am on the outside, but I am still nervous on the inside.

The second survey I took and had others evaluate me on was on verbal-aggressiveness in my communication.These were fairly consistent between all three survey's I show a moderate level of aggressiveness when communicating with others, More so on a personal level, then a professional level. Knowing this will allow me to develop my communication skills when I am feeling attacked and not respond on the defensive.

Communication in Different Settings

In each realm of my life I have different personas and in each persona I have a different communication style. People often ask if I alter my communication style depending on culture, and I don't think that I do. I do however alter my communication style to my audience. So at work I speak more formally and in a professional manner. My conversations are often surrounding the field of child development. At home I speak to my family less formally and have more causal conversations. I have an intimate knowledge of my family and this allows a more relaxed communication style. When out in my community I have a balance of the two styles, I am more reserved then I am with my family, but more relaxed then I am at work. I think that the key is knowing who my audience is and tailoring my conversation and communication style to the person or group I am speaking to helps me be a more effective communicator.

In order to communicating effectively it is important to remember:
1. Know your audience: It is important to know who you are speaking to and adjust your communication style to the group to ensure that the information you are sharing is passed on effectively.
2. Ask questions: This is important to knowing your audience and to make sure that you are being understood and to determine if any other changes need to be made.
3. Be clear and concise: It is important to not add too much flowery language that can confuse the listener (or reader), and to make sure your message is fully understood.

Non Verbal Communication

Have you ever watched a television show without the sound on? If you have seen the show and know the characters you may be able to tell what they are feeling and the relationships based on their non-verbal communication styles, but what if you have never seen the television show, do you think you could accurately describe their relationships and what they are feeling without hearing the conversation?

I did that this week, I watched a show I have never even heard of before first without sound and then with sound. The center of the show was a young reporter, there was one scene when where she went into a coffee shop saw the line and went behind the counter and poured her own coffee. She was approached by someone who appeared to work there and it looked like she was upset that the main character had gone behind the counter. The to go the facial expressions and body language seemed that she was saying she had the right to go back there because she needed coffee. The two laughed and then it was clear that they were friends.

Watching with sound, I could tell that they knew each other right away and the bantering was not out of anger, but had a more friendly tone, this was not what their body language and facial expressions were saying.

Not knowing or hearing what the characters were, even when the sound was there the facial expressions and body language were not always conveying the same message. It is important to make sure that our non-verbal communication is sending the same message as our verbal communication.

Communication Skills

Communication is a key aspect of our daily lives and interactions with others, in my immediate circle of people there are several people that I would consider effective and competent communicators both at work ant at home. One of these people is my direct supervisor, he is always clear in his  communication, with everyone he comes in contact with. He is always honest and shares information that is necessary to be effective in my work. When he is speaking he is at ease, and provides an atmosphere of collaboration and free expression of ideas  and perspectives without fear of reproach. All of these things I admire in him, but what I like most his is courage to express himself and share his beliefs and convictions with others. I sometimes struggle with expressing my ideals and convictions to other and shy away from communicating my personal beliefs. This is one area that I would like to grow and become more like him.